and the not-so-literary ones too. before I immerse myself in weighty tomes of elizabethan and jacobean dramatic and poetic masterpieces, I'm reading some well-earned crap. and by crap, I don't mean crap. I mean nice and fluffy stuff. that requires little to no attention. aaaaaaaah, fluff. hence harry potter. and girlfriend 44.

the premise of the latter is basically this amazing, luminous, goddess-like woman who waltzes into the lives of two flatmates. blah blah blah. but it's the sodding descriptions that fuck me right off. no matter what she wears, no matter what she does, she's so goddamn luminous. protagonist looks at her, and boom! he's in love. she's his golden girl, his number one, she haunts his every waking moment, yadda yadda yadda.

there's always one. take any romantic classic, and the heroine is always so bloody luminous. with that undescribable and inexplicable quality which makes her so frickin perfect.

can't she get a pimple? or get really fucked off and grouchy one morning because she's slept through the alarm and has to rush out the house all minging and dishevelled, instead of glowing and looking deliciously rumpled and fresh whilst giggling coquettishly?

grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

think I'll go back to harry potter. I suspect that hermione might not arouse such ire in me.

notable quotables

The eleventh commandment – thou shalt not be found out – is the only one that is virtually impossible to keep these days (Berta Buxton)

so I'm on the train going down to london en route to stay with t'other half for the weekend, and I overhear a coversation between a group of blokes behind me, one of whom I was sure I know (and it turned out I did):

a bloke : what do you mean you used to fancy a fraggle?

another bloke: I did, she was well fit. what's wrong with fancying a fraggle?

a bloke: because it's a fraggle.

yet another bloke: yeah, but I used to fancy one of the muppets

a bloke: which one? I always thought miss piggy was a bit of a fox

another bloke: actually, that one with the long blonde hair and big pouty lips with the long eyelashes was tasty

so there you have it. muppetophilia. who'da thunk it?

notable quotables

A friend is one who knows all about you and likes you anyway. (Christi Mary Warner)

she's got her own bloggy looky likey - fools! why, her twin is none other than ms jezebel, heather harrumph. duh.

and she's not the only blogger with a celebrity doppelganger you know.

ms orbyn herself is quite clearly a double for that bird on the cover of the iio single, rapture.

and mr plasticbag.org is obviously a dead ringer for jack nicholson. I ask you.

any more lookey-likeys?

notable quotables

Moses dragged us through the desert for 40 years to bring us to the one place in the Middle East where there was no oil (Golda Meir)